Monday 14 March 2016

"Special" ink accidentally used for tolls

Officers at the Blessed Authority were left embarrassed last week after a "special" ink purchased for use in important documents was inadvertently used for the 2016 toll plaques.

The "washable" ink was developed to assist officers when they needed to change documents after they'd been printed. Unfortunately, printers misunderstood a recent urgent instruction to print "everything" using the new washable ink, with the result that this year's toll stickers become unreadable after a quick shower of rain, and can only be used indoors.

Officers are now working on a special varnish to "seal" the plaques from the rain, though there are concerns that this could be used on documents for the same purpose, rendering them "unwashable" - so a special type of paper is in development, which will resist the sealer but hold the special ink until washed. Such methods may seem extreme but, as a spokesperson explained, "it is important to be able to alter documents if they don't say what we want them to. This is the normal way of things, and is essential for protecting the reputation of the Blessed Authority."

Since most documents are shared and stored electronically these days, readers might think that washable ink is a bit of an anachronism in 2016. "Not so," said the spokesperson, "we still print everything here at Yeurgh House - including this article of course. No serious person uses all that 'cloud' stuff do they? I mean, we don't even need our own Facebook presence, we just use another page which we were entrusted with, to distribute our propaganda."

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