Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Who wants to go next?

Bets are now on for the second most toxic job at the Blessed Authority! According to the published agenda, the Authority is seeking a Chairman for arguably the most dysfunctional planning committee in East Anglia. 

The news follows the final departure of Minty Beige, a member appointed by the Secretary of Oversight and Accident. Speculation is rife as to who will succeed him

Bookie’s favourite is Granny Spokesperson herself, who according to the known rogue Gary Sheds has no fewer than 6 separate code of conduct complaints against her. 

An undercover source within the planning department has stated that a close second is Dick Niggling, who despite being appointed by a Local Authority possesses enough obedience to fit Granny’s strategy for the planning committee leadership.

“Chairmanship of the Planning Committee is not a popularity contest” ,said Granny. “It is also of paramount importance that I appoint somebody who my close friend in the planning department approves of and that simply has to be either me, or somebody who recognises my leadership qualities. The deciding factor, of course, is how the Chairman feels about Tripe Island and any views opposed to hounding that dreadful man Roger Bush off his property, simply won’t do. My priority is to keep my good boating partner happy, as all this talk of a planning application in line with the 2014 inspector’s decision is making her very sad indeed. She has spent most of her professional life trying to get rid of him and I simply must ensure she retires on a personal high."

The current vice chairman, the blonde Swedish bombshell Henna Larsson sadly marked her ticket by indiscrete use of social media, crowning herself Queen of the Ferals and disobeying the laws of peroxide by forming opinions of her own, which is unlikely to suit Granny’s strategy. The blonde was seen sobbing into her wine at the Pony and Wagon near Yeorgh House recently, promising herself an extra deep spray tan and a new outfit.

“It is vitally important the role goes to somebody incapable of seeing the Woods for the trees", smiled Granny. "It is the Chairman’s duty to follow the officers wherever they may blunder as collective responsibility will ultimately save us all."








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