Sunday 20 March 2016

Blessed Chair admits to influencing Member appointments

Blessed Authority chair Granny Spokesperson surprised NSBA members this week by admitting to being able to influence the selection of both Secretary of State and Local Authority appointees.

Although the "independent and impartial" appointment process is widely known to be less than transparent, this is the first time it has been admitted in public.

Speaking in response to questions about the under-representation of navigational interests on the Blessed Authority, she confirmed that she could address this by "influencing" the impartial appointments process. Wielding such power was "clearly preferable" to all the trouble and uncertainty which direct elections would bring.

In the short term, she confirmed that she would encourage Members with no interest in boating to follow her example and buy a share in a boat, so as to create the illusion of greater toll payer representation.

In an effort to cement member-officer relations, the self-styled 'Chair' has also shown great leadership by entering into boat ownership jointly with a senior planning officer. "Although cosy relationships between members and officers are discouraged, I can't see anything wrong with this one and of course it doesn't affect my ability to challenge my friend and boating partner in planning committee meetings", she said with her fingers firmly crossed behind her back. The arrangement was allegedly approved by the monitoring officer, shortly before he disappeared without trace.

At the meeting, she was also quizzed about her failure to promote public rights of navigation at Bewilderbroad, when the Blessed Authority was consulted on the multi-million pound injection of public money into a private broad. She promised to look into this, just as soon as she discovered where the broad is actually located.

Granny will shortly be meeting with conservation and tourism groups, where she is expected to give similar assurances about their representation on the Blessed Authority.


  1. I'd really like to know which Local Authorities have signed up to this appointment charter.

  2. I'd like to join the Red Hand Gang! Although I never attended the Fenland Polytechnic, I was too busy at University, I do own my own boat and can tell the difference between the Getsonya and Jumped Up Tits. I have a keen interest in botany, particularly vines, and have travelled widely all the way from Napa Valley to Shiraz, Rioja and Champagne. I once visited Wroxham on a school trip in 1972 so I am more than familiar with the Broads and what's good for 'em don'y ya know. Please forward my application post haste. William Whimbrel D.Phil

  3. I am of the opinion that Granny Spokesperson is actually an expert knitter. I have sent her a ball of wool to knit a cardigan for her special friend the 'Head of Plotting' as it gets cold when they sail together. Along with a packet of Werthers Originals.