Wednesday 18 October 2017

Flying the flag

The Blessed Authority has chosen the end of the boating season to launch a new burgee promoting its fake National Prank status.

Having jumped on the bandwagon of burgees for promoting Facebook groups and forums, our intrepid evasive shrimpy reporter, Opaque, met up with Dr Pikeman and asked him to describe the thinking behind the flags.

“Well, we’ve been watching progress of the little people who seem keen to buy flags relating to these online forums and so on and thought that if they had a real, bone-fide Blessed Authority flag, they would feel a bit more included in what we are trying to do here. Also, we’ve taken a bit of a high-profile pasting in the media in recent weeks and we felt that we needed something “good" to promote.

“That pesky Jimmy Day has made us a laughing stock with all his tent shenanigans. How dare he try to demonstrate that a tent doesn’t have foundations and that it isn’t fixed to the ground? He’s made us look rather silly, and that's before considering the ongoing problem of our own tent (which can be seen from space) not having planning and is clearly unable to be moved with the same ease as shown in his video. The whole thing is clearly orchestrated to make a mockery of the Blessed Planning Department. As everyone knows, we have an exemplary planning record; Granny even went to the trouble of writing to the newspaper to remind everyone how good we are. Did you know that we lost yet another planning appeal at Queenline Cottages in Boring last week?

“In fact, the joke will be on Wee Little Jimmy again as we noticed an unauthorised temporary construction vehicle access when we watched his tents being moved and are now busily wasting time and money pursuing him again. We are hoping that sales of our burgees will cover the cost of this.

“And talking of the flags, don’t they look nice? We’ll have the last laugh as our initial order of 10 burgees sold very well around the office so we decided to take a flutter and have ordered a further 2.5 million and the only place large enough to store them all is in our ginormous tent. So, now that it has a real purpose as a flag store for the next decade or so, its future is secure, like its fixing to the ground.”