Thursday 20 December 2018

Bonfire of the Councillors

In the latest cynical ploy to create further divisions amongst Members, Dr Pikeman has announced his plans to remove all local authority and navigation committee members from the Blessed Authority.

Members last month approved proposals to triple the Blessed Executive Area by annexing 93 parishes from the District Councils, but also made the fatal error of giving Dr Pikeman delegated authority to “refine” the draft response to the Mitten Review of Notional Perks.

The last minute “refinement” - made in consultation with the Blessed Chairs - added a surprise proposal to remove all members with any form of democratic mandate from the Board, leaving only Secretary of State appointees - who are recommended by the Executive.

“My Blessed Chair and Vice Chair have been visiting Council leaders to ask them to remove some of the less… erm… co-operative members” explained the Chief Executive, “but we still get too many people who read all the papers and ask the wrong kinds of questions. My new proposal will heal our divisions by giving me absolute control, and abolishing the type of members who don’t agree with me.”

Pikeman Promise

Dr Pikeman’s Blessed Chairs are Temper Turtle, Mel Rio de Janeiro, Nookie Toilet and Louis-a-Bore. Ironically, 3 of the 4 will be culled as a result of the plan, but this was easily fixed with a promise to give Secretary of State Appointments to Turtle and Toilet. Rio de Janeiro needed no such promise, as she just trusts Pikeman to do the right thing. “He’s such a lovely man” she said “and we are blessed to have him as our Chief Executive.”

The Blessed Chairs, with Dick Bileson buying the drinks, form an unofficial “Executive” - to take care of all the tricky and controversial decisions which make Members’ brains hurt. An Executive isn’t actually permitted by law, which says that decisions have to be made by all Members. But, in response to the Peer Review recommendation for more “inclusive” governance, most members have been excluded from decision making and the number of full Authority meetings reduced by a third.

1 comment:

  1. Time for Pikeman to go and get some democracy in there.