Tuesday 12 September 2017

Blessed Person specification announced

Increasingly concerned at signs of resistance to the Blessed Assimilation Process, the Blessed Executive have obtained authority to develop a Blessed Person Specification, to help Local Authority leaders to choose the correct type of person to become part of the shared consciousness. 

“Recently, Local Authorities have been appointing the wrong type of councillor” said Dr Pikeman.  “They've been asking difficult questions which I don't want to answer, and talking amongst themselves. So we’ve formed a Governance Review Group of ‘willing volunteers’ from the membership, and by ‘volunteers’ I obviously mean the people that we asked. This group is assisting me to develop the Blessed Profiling Guidelines for Local Authority members, by agreeing with what I suggest.”

An early draft of the specification has been leaked to this blog, and we understand that the special qualities required for Members will include:
  • A lack of knowledge or experience of the Broads
  • An enthusiastic willingness to understand that accountability and scrutiny are not required in Blessed Organisations
  • An ability to defend the indefensible at all times, and to agree with all Blessed Utterances no matter how irrational or costly 
  • A willingness to attend regular assimilation sessions 
  • An ability to accept all official answers, even when the answers are wrong
Sir Dick Peterson, Protector of the Blessed Reputation, said “The Blessed Authority is too important to be run by Councillors who seem to think that being elected by taxpayers gives them some kind of mandate to say what they think. We need to put a stop to that kind of tribal thinking and strike back against the Norfolk Tory Conspiracy.”

There was strong support for the proposals from the Chair’s Pet Poodle, Dick Bilson, who yapped that the new guidelines would help councils like Birdland to appoint easily assimilated members of the liberal elite who wouldn’t ask awkward questions. “It’s not difficult,” he said. “Scripted questions are provided for Members - so why waste time making yourself unpopular by inventing your own?”


  1. I'm surprised there was no reference to the ridiculous volume of paper put out by the Blessed Authority. Sooner or later the Authority will have to bow to elected representatives AND get some of their own.

  2. Very few of the local councillors know any of the Broads outside their own patch as it is. Even less actually own a boat or regularly take to the water. At least some of the govt appointees actually regularly sail and therefore see and experience the broads

  3. Who are these anonymous people any why are they afraid to be known.