Tuesday 11 April 2017

Blessed Members Excluded from Official Visit

A high profile top secret operation was mounted last week in the southern outpost of Buckles, where Rural Affairs chief Lord Gamekeeper was invited to look at a sign and to enjoy unbiased commentary of the Blessed Operations.

“We were delighted to welcome Lord Gamekeeper into my circle of love," said Granny Spokesperson "but for security reasons we could only invite the newest Blessed appointees to join us. The risks in inviting any of our more experienced Blessed Members were simply unacceptable - they might have drifted from the Blessed Script, or failed to mention ‘national park’ or ‘special qualities’ with the prescribed frequency.”

Elected Blessed Members were particularly conspicuous by their absence, following the launch of the Member Marginalisation Programme which has responded to reports of Members talking to one another without Blessed Authorisation. Local Authority members are at particular risk, with many having already been disciplined for saying the wrong thing at meetings, disagreeing with officers or refusing to sign inaccurate minutes.

“These wretched councillors just don't seem to understand that the Broads are far too important to be left to the Local Authorities” said Sir Dick Peterson “ - that's the whole point of having unelected national park authorities”.

Norfolk Tory Conspiracy

Granny Spokesperson concurred with Sir Dick. “The Blessed Authority is too important for party politics,” she said “so we must get rid of any councillors who might disagree with my liberal elite.”

“Tribal” councillors have been on the endangered list since they called for a Peer Review to investigate the dysfunctional Authority. The idea met fierce resistance from Granny and the Doctor, though they finally agreed to it as long as everybody promised not to ask about stakeholder trust and engagement. “We had one of these peer review thingies a few years ago” said Dr Pikeman “and we ignored all the things we didn't agree with - so it’s pointless having another one now.”

Although - for security reasons - Lord Gamekeeper wasn't permitted to meet most of the Blessed Members during his visit, he was still able to join Blessed Apprentices and Staff, the Mayor of Buckles, town councillors, farmers, archaeologists, boat builders, conservation rangers and students. “I was sorry not to meet more Blessed Members and had no idea that they were so well protected” he said. “I wonder why that could be.”

The new railway sign is particularly important for tourism, according to Blessed Chief Executive Dr Pikeman. “The un-enlightened may claim that the good weather, the low value of the pound and the general popularity of domestic holidays have driven the increase in Blessed Tourism this year” he said “but I say Brexit Shmexit. The real reason is that we've spent £100,000 on renaming ourselves for marketing purposes, and nothing says ‘Visit the Broads’ better than a re-branded railway sign.”

“Broads National Park” agreed Blessed Tourism Leader, Reg Minefield. “Broads National Park Broads National Park Broads National Park”.


  1. Great reporting, from some distance.

  2. An accurate interpretation. I think the photo taken at Buckles printed in the Evening Snooze will come back to haunt the Blessed Authority.