Sunday, 16 October 2016

What A Pantomime (Oh No It Isn't!)

The latest money wasting scheme from the Blessed Authority - or “how to get Granny and Dr. P into history books for the most expensive knighthoods ever” - has taken a massive step forwards, with the news that grant funding has been allocated to the Broads National Pike’s own Christmas panto.  

“We were encouraged by the successful theatre production bid announced recently and felt we could go one better in the upcoming Christmas season”, said Fenny. 

The Silted Rivers, Lost Moorings and Bogs project aims to promote “the cultural significance of landscapes” and has been desperately scrabbling around for anybody inside the golden funding triangle between Acle, Yarmouth and Lowestoft to come up with a way of spending some of the millions sloshing around in the HLF coffers. Drama is said to be critical in shaping the future of the Broads, and there's certainly no shortage of it at Yeurght House.

The panto is a production of Cinderella, a much loved festive story. Casting has been successful to date with Granny taking the role of the Evil Stepmother, Dr. P as her adulterous lover and Angelica Short and Caligula Smithson as the two wicked stepsisters. Henna Larson and Jimmy Day have been approached for the roles of Cinderella and Buttons respectively. The role of Prince Charming is still in the audition stages, but the production team can confirm that the two shortlisted candidates are Ian Cheekbones from the Busman’s Inn and Roger Bush from Tripe Island. 

The production is intended to be a realistic portrayal of affairs at the Blessed Authority and is therefore unsuitable for young children or those of a nervous disposition. Unlike the beloved story, the fairy godmother takes the guise of the Department of Accident and Oversight and completely fails to take any interest in Cinderella’s plight. The girl is banished to the darkest cellars of the grand house and Prince Charming has his assets either seized or compulsorily purchased, whilst the evil Granny continues to reign supreme over her chanting throngs of adoring men of a certain age.  

The Samaritans will be available to anyone needing emotional support at the end of the performance and we hope to have key Members of Parliament on hand to answer questions about why nothing is being done to disband this unelected and unaccountable quango. 

We are hoping that this specially commissioned panto is well received. Tickets go on sale shortly and all proceeds will go towards a fund to support Blessed Authority stakeholders who have fallen foul of heavy handed planning practices. Patrons are encouraged to dig deep as it is likely the fund will be completely over-subscribed by the end of year.

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