Thursday 9 March 2023

Blessed Visitor Centre Plans Revised

Controversial plans for a Notional Park Visitor Centre at Axlebridge have been dramatically downscaled following intense public opposition and a finance reality check. 

The original proposal - the winner of a free-to-enter competition for local architects - was considerably larger than the land available, and the designers forgot that 100m of plate glass windows on the river bank might be incompatible with sailing boats approaching a bridge. It was also in the flood plain - which would normally result in a planning refusal, but in this instance could be overcome by installing plug sockets 100mm higher than normal, according to Blessed Planning Officers.

In the light of the Authority’s constrained budgets, however, the plans have been scaled down - and moved to a different site, in Thorney.

The new Visitor Centre more accurately reflects the vision and aspirations of the Blessed Authority, almost filling the 1 square metre of space in a disused phone box. “All 72 panes of glass have been lovingly replaced”, enthused Dr Pikeman proudly, “and we’ve fitted a state-of-the-art wind-up audio player together with 8 colour photographs. We think youngsters will be thrilled to experience the Notional Park through this modern and exciting use of technology, and we are confident that it won’t be used as a makeshift urinal.”

Thorney Mouth is a key strategic location which until recently had 150m of free visitor moorings. Sadly, in what has becoming a repeating pattern, the Blessed Negotiation Team fell out with the land owner and the moorings were lost. A replacement floating pontoon was promised but never materialised, and it is hoped that the new visitor attraction will be a suitable substitute. 

“This is the epitome of what the Broads is all about” said Dr Pikeman, without a hint of irony. 

1 comment:

  1. EVERY time the Blessed Authority gets involved with property, they make a complete Horlicks of it.