Sunday 17 July 2016

Blessed Punishment Beatings Continue

The Blessed Authority was rocked again last week with the news of a third Member assassination.

Following on from the evictions of Alan The Hammer and Wee Jimmy Day, blonde Swedish bombshell Henna Larsson was sensationally removed from the planning committee after she disagreed with a planning officer. 

"It's my own fault" she wept in an interview later. "I'm so used to being able to speak openly as a democratically elected councillor that I forgot all about the Blessed Special Status and accidentally corrected a junior planning officer when she was wrong. I realise now that this was foolish of me and that my duty to protect the Blessed Reputation transcends trivial things like public interest or telling the truth."

Lord Peterson of Hickling, Blessed Planning Chair, confirmed the sudden eviction. "I can't see why anyone's surprised" he said. "Her card's been marked since she said we should talk to those blasted ferals last year. She really does need to understand that we have our own way of doing things here. If an officer says something wrong, then they can't just unsay it can they? That would be quite potty. And having these so-called elected Councillors running around pretending that this is a democracy - well it's simply intolerable."

Blessed members, however, expressed their disquiet after the meeting. "There was no warning of this in the agenda," said one, "so it was a bit of a surprise when the Blessed Leaders suddenly dumped it on us. I did think it a bit odd that we'd received a flurry of Henna's private emails the night before, but didn't expect another execution so soon after the last one. I wonder who'll be next?"

In a blow to the Blessed Elite, members agreed to hold open Henna's post so that they could find out whether she'd actually done anything wrong. "That's ridiculous" snapped Granny, "she's disagreed with planning officers AND me for heaven's sake. How much more evidence can they want?"

In other appointment news, there was joy for Granny as her pet poodle "Round of Drinks" Bilson was rewarded for his unwavering loyalty by being confirmed a complete "Member" by the Secretary of State, though this was tempered by the disappointment of losing her chief whip, the shouty Dick Nigelson. "The bastards. Well I'm keeping my Blessed Sweater, at least" he shouted, as he stomped out of the room for the last time.

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