Wednesday, 30 September 2015

The fate of a naughty fish

So, it came to pass that Eddie was betrayed, captured and brought before Dr. Pikeman and the three wise monkeys of the Blessed Authority.

Nailed to a discarded 24 hour mooring sign, Eddie blinked helplessly under the cold cruel stare of the un-smiling faces before him.

“What shall we do with this naughty fish?”, purred Dr Pikeman. “I’ve waited a long time to get my hands on him and here he is. Not feeling quite so clever now, are you Eddie?”
“Lets string him up outside the main entrance “ chuckled the first monkey, “He has ridiculed the Blessed Authority! Because of this fish, people point and laugh at me behind my back! ”
“I’ll second that”, smiled another. “It’s taken me all my life to get to gain some credibility and he’s ruining it all.!”

“But why am I here?”, asked Eddie, “I’ve done nothing wrong. Besides, shouldn’t this 24 hour mooring sign go back up again?”

“You have sinned against the Blessed Authority and broken its most sacred of rules!” , grumbled the third.

“B-b-but how? Even the Queen takes a joke these days”, sobbed Eddie. “You can’t do this!”

“No-one who enjoys the fruits of the toils of the Blessed Authority may speak against Her”, Dr. Pikeman said reasonably. “It’s just the way it is.”

“Where does it say so?” asked Eddie, getting braver. “Show me where it says I can’t tell the truth, even if you don’t like it?”

“Here it is”, said the second monkey scribbling on a piece of paper. “I propose it, do I have a seconder? Lovely, ... You Eddie, are banished from the Blessed Authority’s lands, for good!”
“That’s not fair”, protested Eddie. “it’s not as if…”

“Silence!!!!”, all three wise monkeys hissed at Eddie in one voice. “Silence, you annoying, obnoxious, irritating fish, you are guilty and we’re sending you far, far away, so we can pretend you don’t exist. ”

And so an expensive fish tank was commissioned, out of National Park Grant reserves, of course, to transport Eddie far, far away. As the secret train left the Berney Arms train halt in the dead of night, creatures big and small gathered in stunned silence, staring blankly as the moon lit train disappeared from view.

“Don’t let them forget me”, called Eddie, fins pressed against the reinforced glass of his watery dungeon. “Don’t let them get away with it”

“Poor Eddie”, sighed a dragonfly. “He was just trying to help us and everyone else who have nowhere else to live except here. We have to help him escape”

“That’s going to be difficult”, sighed an otter. “I think they’re taking him to Whitlngham. No-one ever goes to Whitlingham, it just can’t be done. It’s not even a proper Broad, poor Eddie....”

“Of course it can”, hooted an owl. “We’ll find him and bring him back. And in the mean time, we’ll have to keep up the good work!”

“Hooray!”, cheered the assembled friends,

“Excuse me”, piped up the little fen raft spider. “Can anyone tell me where this 24 hour mooring sign is supposed to go? ... where? .... Thurne Mouth? ... oh, I don’t think .... best put it in the bin then. What do you mean there aren’t any bins? Can someone please move this sign, I can only live on this blade of grass near this particular puddle and the sign’s squashing it ... anyone?... Please? ... Help!”

.... to be continued ....

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